you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize