then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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