Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
