There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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