instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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