Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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