Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
