i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize