I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
