belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
