Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
