Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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