im having a threesome with these popsicles
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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