He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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