I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
