He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
