She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
