life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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