Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
