I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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