One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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