I hate your face
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
