Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
