In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
did you just send me my own nude
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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