i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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