Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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