ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
