is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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