Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
