we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize