We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
