Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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