If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
