My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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