Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He shit in the fireplace
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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