I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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