I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
