too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize