so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
