I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My balls are so social today.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize