How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
