wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
