I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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