You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
