Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
