All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
