Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
