Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
