Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
