All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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