just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
