If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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