There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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