i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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