She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
