sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
