I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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