Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
