Just fell off a train. Bad.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
