Pants 0. Shit 1.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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