glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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