i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
