evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
