I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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