Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
