she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
