Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
