worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
