Fuck appropriateness.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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