i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well I just put wine in my tea
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
