What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
